Adventures in Weight Loss

Who has a breakdown after losing weight? I do!

Maintaining your weight might be as hard, or maybe even harder than losing weight. I did the PRX14 day challenge; I lost 12 pounds, 10 inches… Now what?!?! It was hard but I have a lot more to go. I’m still overweight, I’m still unhappy. Now that I’m not working out with a group, it’s so much harder. With a group or even just working out with one other person, you had someone pushing you or depending on you, this made it so much easier. Just knowing I had to meet someone at a specific time made me do it, made me go and work out. By myself, there are so many excuses I can give to myself. ‘I’ll do it tomorrow, I have no time, I’m busy, I just did my hair, it’s raining, I’m cleaning, it’s too hot,’ blah blah blah, excuses, excuses, excuses. Excuses are what got me to my starting weight to begin with. Then again old habits are hard to break.

Going by yourself also leaves you the opportunity to not push as hard. It is so easy to say ‘Oh I don’t have to do the 8 miles, 5 is enough. I’ll just eat healthier to make up for it’, but then you eat that slice of Dominican cake and you’re like Fuck! I shouldn’t have had that. I know what I should and shouldn't eat but I almost always pick the bad choices; The cake instead of the fruit, the soda instead of the juice, the juice instead of the water. Then the empty promises start on how you’ll make it up tomorrow, then you don’t and those excuses start up all over again. The vicious cycle of guilt and empty promises in dieting and working out.

At first I had said that I wasn’t going to post a Before & After picture but then I did it anyway because I was proud of my accomplishment. Having all those people comment, congratulate me, and tell me to keep it up made me feel great. However a mini panic attack set in today as I was trying on some clothes. Yes I made some accomplishments, but I’m not at the place I want to be YET. I want to look good for my birthday I want to feel good in my body, and I’m not at that level right now. Now the fear of failure has set in. What if I gain it back? What if I can’t maintain it? My inability to keep my weight off would be there for all to see. Not that I’m saying I will gain it back, but the pressure is on within myself.

We can be our own doubters and haters, but at the same time we can be our own Motivators, our own Cheerleaders. We can literally convince ourselves that we can’t do something. But that’s just because we haven’t done it YET. I just need a plan that I can stick to. One thing I do know is that I have people who love me and BELEIVE in me, even when I don’t believe in myself. My mini band of cheerleaders will be there for me if and when I need them. (Special Thanks to Margie, Yusuf, Massiel, Johanna, Jakira, JR, Gayra, Ayisha, Annie, Luis, Eunice & everyone else I may have missed who are part of Team Heimster!)

OK my mini breakdown is over, but my drive to get this extra weight off and maintain it off is just beginning.