Journey to Me, Adventures in Self Reflecting

It all started with a hair cut. And for a woman it always has something to do with their hair. lol. A lot of people have asked me why I cut my hair and it's actually a complicated answer. 

A couple of months ago, June 2nd to be exact, I started a fitness challenge called PRX14. I borrowed money from my mother so I could do this challenge. I was that desperate for a change. I was overweight and unhappy and wondering why the heck am I single. Now mid August, I'm still single, still carrying a few extra lbs but feeling so much better about myself.

The difference a couple of months, a great support system and a commitment to myself can make. 

Before PRX14: I was unhappy. I had put on a happy front, but it was just that, a front. I didn't notice until after I lost some weight was how much my weight weighs me down, physically and mentally. I didn't see that I was literally stuck in a rut. I tried the online dating thing and it failed so horribly, it was tragic. On Facebook I think I wrote a post saying that I wanted to bring my sexy back, and of course great friends being supportive as they are, they said I didn't need it, I already was. But that's the thing, I did not feel it. I felt like an overweight blob in my clothes. If I didn't see my allure and my appeal who else was going to see it?

PRX14- Round 1: So then I started the PRX challenge, completely blind, not knowing what the heck I was getting myself into. The workout plan was hard and the diet was even harder. For me anyway, for others it was the other way around. But I did it, I took a chance and did something for myself. I sacrificed movie dates with friends and outings to avoid the temptation. The support from my two trainers was heart warming and comforting. When I had my breakdown on Day 8, Margie was there for me and talked with me as we walked laps. That talk was what kept me going when I was in such a negative place. I'm very grateful for that talk. On Day 13 Yusuf asked me what made me happy. And such a simple question, I had no answer for. These little things made me realize that they weren't there for the paycheck; these people were life changers and wanted to see the best in me. On weigh in day, I literally did a little happy dance because I lost 12 lbs. But then I saw my before and after pictures and I could not believe I had let myself go so much. But I was just focused to keep going. And right away had a mini break down on keeping the weight off, lol. (Which I blogged about here: Adventures in weight loss.) 

So back to my hair cut: I've always wanted to cut my hair, but I always felt that because I have such a round face I'd look overweight. Well I was overweight to begin with. And long hair or short hair, it really didn't matter. My hair is my one vanity I'm willing to admit to and I didn't want it to make me look fat. As women we tend to get attached to our hair; It's our security blanket. We hide behind it for some reason and for some it's our pride and joy. I didn't tell anyone about cutting my hair because I knew people were going to veto my decision, I've always had long hair. Even my aunt that was visiting from DR literally pulled my arm and told me not to go when I told her I was going to cut it.

But I woke up one Thursday and said fuck it, I'm going to cut my hair today. So I cut it and it was like another step in my journey to me. All of a sudden I felt sassy, slim, sexy and awesome and I was ready to take over the world. I feel like with those few snips of the hair dresser's scissors I was mentally letting go of my weight.

PRX14 Round 2 and Epiphanies: I decided to embark in round 2 of PRX and I think this might have been more powerful for me that the first go around. The realizations I made were more important than the additional 7lbs I lost. OK I lie, they were just as important. lol. 

I was hanging out with a friend when he asked me if I was attracting the kind of people I wanted to attract. My answer was I wasn't sure. But that question stood out in my head. I was in such a negative place because of my weight for so long the only thing I could attract was negativity. 

This PRX thing has been crazy. It's made a change physically and mentally in me. No I haven't reached my weight goal but I no longer feel disgusted with myself. I feel attractive and sexy again. In a way my self confidence is my high and my motivation to keep going. How will I stop working out and trying to reach my goal when just the journey enough is so fantastic? I'm meeting some fantastic people who have the same goals as I do. I'm more outgoing. I'm more talkative. I missed this in myself. I was like a wallflower who hadn't reached her potential. How can I let myself go when getting fit and working out gives me this high? I definitely don't want to lose this. 

My whole outlook has changed. I'm reconnecting with old friends and deepening casual relationships that I never gave a chance to develop because I was so busy being in a rut. I'm giddy with just the possibilities of new things and the discovery of getting to know someone new in my life. Finding someone who makes me smile is great. And giving people the chance to make me happy is even better. I've come to the realization that as I focus more on myself and my fitness goal I find I have more things to smile about. I've made a LOT of progress, I should be proud of it... Actually I am proud of it. And to answer his question, yea I do think I'm attracting people I want to attract. :)

Well my journey to me isn't complete. But is it ever? 

PS. Shout out to my motivators and cheerleaders: Margie, Yusuf, Gayra, Teida, M², Heilyn, Massiel, Johanna, Carlitos, Luis, Eunice & everyone else I may have missed who are part of Team Heimster!

Adventures in Ranting

So by now you should know that I'm a ranter. There are just some things that annoy and irritate the crap out of me. So this is my list of grievances. Not in any particular order (because depending on the day, the person, or even the magnetic pull of the earth, some things may annoy me more than others)

~People who stand at the top or bottom of the stairs/escalator. This is not the time to see where you are going, if you left something or you need to check your map, Fucking Tourists!

~People who stand in doorways or at an Exit to have conversations. Move the Fuck out of the way! 


~The older Asian population who would literally push you or step on a toe or two to get to that seat that no one else can fit in. WTF! Have you been standing all day and this is the only time you can sit? Do you not know how to say Excuse Me? Its only 2 words.


~When I go to a restroom and the toilet paper comes off one sheet at a time. As a female this is even more annoying when I'm trying not to piss on myself and/or my pants. 


~Ghetto people in professional settings. I am not your home boy or your baby momma to be addressed in anything but a professional manner. 


~Bible Thumpers. I was born Catholic and have gone to Catholic school, I know enough about it and I'm making an official declaration: I'M GOOD! I'm religious as I am going to get at this point and as I wish to be. I don't want to hear your unsolicited advice on how God is going to save me and to leave it all in God's hands. Please do not force your hypocritical views on me. I have yet to be struck down by lightning and like I said... I'M GOOD!


~Constant complainers. I don't want to hear about how fed up you are with your job, your man, your weight or your life yet you won't apply to another job or quit, you won't kick the fucker out and you won't put down the cupcake. Maybe your life sucks so much because you are always complaining!


~People who say 'nah mean', 'know what I'm saying' and 'you feel me' after every other sentence they say. Maybe people don't know what you are saying because the BS that flows out of your mouth has no content value. How about you know what you mean before you say it and not ask for validation at the end of each sentence.


~People who don't text me back, who don't call me back or who take forever to respond back to a question. What is the point of having a Smart Phone with all those capabilities if you can't reply back. You are not allowed to not be a texter.


~ Conspiracy Theorists. Its so time consuming to think the government is after you every step you take. I get it, I've seen Eagle Eye, I know what the government is capable of. But I aint got time for that. Conspiracy theorists have an inflated image of themselves. Are you really that important to the gov to even be on their radar?


~People who talk too much in waiting rooms. As I'm listening to my name I don't wan to here your conversation on how your brother's baby momma's aunt's ex-boyfriend got the cousin pregnant or other such nonsense. Please see full blog dedicated  on this subject TMI-Adventures In Over-share.


~People who can't keep their word. We live in a world of I'll see, I'll get back to you, I'll let you know. Yes no longer means yes, its now Maybe. 

Adventures in Weight Loss

Who has a breakdown after losing weight? I do!

Maintaining your weight might be as hard, or maybe even harder than losing weight. I did the PRX14 day challenge; I lost 12 pounds, 10 inches… Now what?!?! It was hard but I have a lot more to go. I’m still overweight, I’m still unhappy. Now that I’m not working out with a group, it’s so much harder. With a group or even just working out with one other person, you had someone pushing you or depending on you, this made it so much easier. Just knowing I had to meet someone at a specific time made me do it, made me go and work out. By myself, there are so many excuses I can give to myself. ‘I’ll do it tomorrow, I have no time, I’m busy, I just did my hair, it’s raining, I’m cleaning, it’s too hot,’ blah blah blah, excuses, excuses, excuses. Excuses are what got me to my starting weight to begin with. Then again old habits are hard to break.

Going by yourself also leaves you the opportunity to not push as hard. It is so easy to say ‘Oh I don’t have to do the 8 miles, 5 is enough. I’ll just eat healthier to make up for it’, but then you eat that slice of Dominican cake and you’re like Fuck! I shouldn’t have had that. I know what I should and shouldn't eat but I almost always pick the bad choices; The cake instead of the fruit, the soda instead of the juice, the juice instead of the water. Then the empty promises start on how you’ll make it up tomorrow, then you don’t and those excuses start up all over again. The vicious cycle of guilt and empty promises in dieting and working out.

At first I had said that I wasn’t going to post a Before & After picture but then I did it anyway because I was proud of my accomplishment. Having all those people comment, congratulate me, and tell me to keep it up made me feel great. However a mini panic attack set in today as I was trying on some clothes. Yes I made some accomplishments, but I’m not at the place I want to be YET. I want to look good for my birthday I want to feel good in my body, and I’m not at that level right now. Now the fear of failure has set in. What if I gain it back? What if I can’t maintain it? My inability to keep my weight off would be there for all to see. Not that I’m saying I will gain it back, but the pressure is on within myself.

We can be our own doubters and haters, but at the same time we can be our own Motivators, our own Cheerleaders. We can literally convince ourselves that we can’t do something. But that’s just because we haven’t done it YET. I just need a plan that I can stick to. One thing I do know is that I have people who love me and BELEIVE in me, even when I don’t believe in myself. My mini band of cheerleaders will be there for me if and when I need them. (Special Thanks to Margie, Yusuf, Massiel, Johanna, Jakira, JR, Gayra, Ayisha, Annie, Luis, Eunice & everyone else I may have missed who are part of Team Heimster!)

OK my mini breakdown is over, but my drive to get this extra weight off and maintain it off is just beginning. 

TMI- Adventures in Over-Share

 What is about waiting rooms that make people want to talk their heads off. Aren't they aware of the unwritten rule that if you have to go to a government/ state agency (like the DMV, Social Security office, Jury Duty) or the doctor's office that you are supposed to bring your own entertainment? Whether it be magazines, a book, an ipod, something, anything to help keep the boredom away. Talking to anyone who will listen is not acceptable.

I was at the DMV not that long ago and the guy behind me, hadn't had an ID in 10 years, had just graduated from school, had a daughter and didn't go out to clubs. That the last time he went to a club a fight broke out. How do I know this? Because he was chatting it up with the guy next to him. And when he got up, he said "nice meeting you". So that whole conversation was with a STRANGER! While waiting in Eternal Hell, oops I mean Jury duty I heard several stories about how people have been wrongly imprisoned and how the law is filled with assholes.

What I don't understand is why must people want to strike up intimate conversations with people you've NEVER MET BEFORE! From the DMV to the Doctor's office the waiting rooms are bombarded with endless chatter. Just Shut Up!

Now the doctors office? The waiting room at the doctor's office takes the cake; Latinos in general do not know what inside voices are. Its like a constant buzzing of incessant chatter. You can find out how many kids they have, how many abortions as well, how she found out how her man was cheating. How the system has fucked them over. To ways to find out if a person is pregnant. Did you know if you pee on a jabon de quaba and it splits you're pregnant? Like seriously you can go have sex but you can't afford to buy an EPT home test? I really try to mind my biz, really I do, but I can't help but stare and listen to the TMI. And the fact that you are waiting for your name to be called doesn't allow you to drown out their voices with your ipod. In the midst of waiting and listening you really see how ignorant, uneducated and just plain stupid people are.

The only conclusion I have come up with is that people have an unconditional need to be heard. I'm sorry but I just don't want to hear it. I'm the type of person that if I don't know you, I don't feel the need to strike up a conversation. At first it seems like they're just being nice and want to know about you. "Oh what book are you reading? Is it good? How you like it so far? What's it about?" If I'm reading I don't want to be interrupted period. Then the conversation quickly changes and becomes all about them. "Oh I like to read Dan Brown, his books are so good. I read this one book..." From here you now have to pretend to be interested because it will goes on, and on, and on. And your options are limited to then excuse yourself or pray your name or is called.

I think I'm just an antisocial person, so you should avoid me, really you should.

By Popular Demand...

Apparently I have a very twisted sense of humor and way of looking at life. So due to popular demand I have created a blog. So Welcome to The Adventures in Heimsterland. I have no idea what I will say or write on this bitch, but it definitely will be random just like me. :) So enjoy and tune in from time to time I just might make you think or make you die laughing.

Much Love,

The Heimster